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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Marcus Vick Likely Out For Sunday Shift At Sbarro

ATLANTA—After missing four consecutive days this week, sources close to Marcus Vick confirmed that the former Virginia Tech quarterback is considered unlikely for his Sunday afternoon shift at Sbarro. “Marcus showed a lot of promise early on, but it’s looking increasingly doubtful that he’ll be on the floor this weekend,” branch manager Glenn Bailey told reporters, adding that lingering issues had prevented the former athlete from fulfilling his role as the restaurant’s go-to cashier. “Everyone on my staff would be thrilled if Marcus showed up at 100 percent this weekend, but with his history that’s just wishful thinking. While Sunday is a huge day for us and we could really use him, I can’t help but feel that his professional food services career is over.” Restaurant insiders have speculated Vick’s absence may provide a valuable opportunity for his current backup, former No. 1 draft pick and Sbarro trainee JaMarcus Russell.

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