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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Mariano Rivera Yelled At For Blowing Save

NEW YORK—Following Mariano Rivera's second consecutive blown save Sunday, coaches and executives led the11-time All Star and World Series MVP into an office, slammed the door shut, and reamed him out for several minutes, team sources reported. "I heard coach [Joe Girardi] scream, 'You have one responsibility out there, and you screwed it up, goddammit!'" said outfielder Curtis Granderson, adding that he also heard several voices shout "Take your head out of your ass," "You're the worst closer in the world!" and "I am so mad at you right now!" "Mariano had tears running down his cheeks when he walked back into the locker room, but that didn't stop Derek [Jeter] or Robinson [Cano] from telling him to stop acting like a fucking baby." Though Rivera later apologized for his actions, Yankees pitching coach Larry Rothschild told him to sit down, shut up, and think about what he did.

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