How do dangerous narcotics cartels smuggle their goods into the U.S. and what is the human cost of their operations? The Onion explains the drug trade.
SEATTLE—Claiming that Mariners whiffers have not been swinging wildly or embarrassingly enough, GM Bill Bavasi fired team whiffing coach Jeff Pentland Monday. "Our guys have simply forgotten the basics—flailing, guessing, just standing there like a statue as a perfect pitch comes sailing right over the plate," Bavasi said. "Sure, we've excelled in areas such as hitting soft fly balls directly to the left-fielder and grounding weakly into double plays, but that only gets you so far. We need to get to a point where our team is able to whiff with the game on the line." Bavasi, however, once again reserved heavy praise for the team's sucking coach.