Christmas is almost here, but it's still not too late to buy gifts for your loved ones. Here are The Onion's tips for last minute holiday shopping.
DALLAS—Upon seeing that no one on the opposing team had picked him up in transition, Mavericks owner Mark Cuban repeatedly called for newly acquired point guard Jason Kidd to pass him the ball during the All-Star's first home game with the team Monday. "Gimme the ball! Gimme the ball!" said Cuban, waving his arms and jumping up and down behind the Maverick's bench. "Pass me the rock! I'm on an island here... Ball! Ball! Ball! Hey, J-Kidd, over here! I'm wide open! Come on, damn it, ball!" Cuban, who displayed his frustration by stealing a pass intended for power forward Dirk Nowitzki and returning to his seat, finished his third straight game with zero points and two technical fouls.