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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Mark Martin: 'I'm Too Old To Be Driving Cars Around'

DAYTONA BEACH, FL— Four-time NASCAR Cup Series runner-up Mark Martin, 48, surprised reporters at a post-race press conference by saying he may have aged past his prime as a driver of automobiles. "It just seems that everyone out there is going so fast all of a sudden," said Martin, who began racing professionally in 1977. "And then I start thinking, my, I must be going pretty fast, too! It just bothers me a lot more than it used to, I suppose." Martin claims he lost the lead on the last lap of the Daytona 500 when it occurred to him that the speed at which he was battling race winner Kevin Harvick was potentially hazardous in the event of something happening suddenly.

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