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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Mark Martin: 'I'm Too Old To Be Driving Cars Around'

DAYTONA BEACH, FL— Four-time NASCAR Cup Series runner-up Mark Martin, 48, surprised reporters at a post-race press conference by saying he may have aged past his prime as a driver of automobiles. "It just seems that everyone out there is going so fast all of a sudden," said Martin, who began racing professionally in 1977. "And then I start thinking, my, I must be going pretty fast, too! It just bothers me a lot more than it used to, I suppose." Martin claims he lost the lead on the last lap of the Daytona 500 when it occurred to him that the speed at which he was battling race winner Kevin Harvick was potentially hazardous in the event of something happening suddenly.

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