adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Mark McGwire To Teach Cardinal Hitters At What Point In Swing To Evade Congressional Questioning

ST. LOUIS—After being named hitting coach by Cardinals manager Tony La Russa, Mark McGwire told reporters Monday that he is eager to get back in the batting cage and work with the team's hitters on the fundamentals of avoiding direct questioning from Congress during committee hearings on steroid abuse. "When you get down to it, it's just hands back, quick to the ball, and then right when you are about to shift your weight, have a working knowledge of the Fifth Amendment so as not to incriminate yourself in front of a panel of elected officials," said McGwire, who in the past has informally helped Cardinals Skip Schumaker and Chris Duncan with swing tips, including one in which you choke up a quarter inch to make certain you cloud the truth. "I'm not going to impose my style of squirming and smoke-screening on their batting stances, though. Every individual player needs to figure out how best to keep his left shoulder behind the ball in order to eventually make his deflected answers that much more precise." When asked about his history with performance-enhancing drugs, McGwire patiently kept his hands back and delivered a short, powerful swing to the reporter's face.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close