adBlockCheck

Sports

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
End Of Section
  • More News

Mark Sanchez, Tim Tebow Warm Up By Throwing Ball In Direction Of One Another

NEW YORK—In an interview before today’s game against the San Francisco 49ers, Jets head coach Rex Ryan described how quarterbacks Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow's typically warm-up by throwing passes in each other's general direction. “Mark usually chucks a couple balls over Tim’s head, and then Tim throws a few that either fall way short or sail shakily out of bounds,” said Ryan, who explained that the exercise helps the quarterbacks settle into their comfort zones. “If they establish a rhythm in warmups and start getting the ball in approximately the right area, it really helps them avoid intentional grounding penalties on the incomplete passes they throw during the game when it counts.” At press time, Tebow and Sanchez were working on their agility by running to retrieve all the balls that had rolled under sideline benches.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close