adBlockCheck

Mark Zuckerberg - Gotta Hand It To The Little Fucker

Top Headlines

Science & Technology

Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Nightlife

Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Holidays

Mark Zuckerberg - Gotta Hand It To The Little Fucker

Founder of Facebook

No one made as large an impact on how we interact in 2010 as Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, whom you've really gotta hand it to, as much as you'd like to punch the little shit right in his smug, 26-year-old- billionaire face. Zuckerberg launched Facebook from his Harvard dorm room in 2004 and has since seen the social network grow from a few thousand college students to more 500 million users worldwide.

Smart little fucker, isn't he?

2010 was a landmark year for Zuckerberg: He watched his net worth surpass that of Steve Jobs and of Rupert Murdoch, while also expanding his online empire to include geo-location services, high-res photo-sharing, and enhanced personalization features, all of which just proved that the redheaded little dickface has really got our number and will always have us lining up and begging for more. Goddammit.

And recently joining the likes of Bill Gates and Warren Buffett in pledging to give most his income to charity is exactly the kind of maneuver a shitwad like this would pull to make you almost respect him.

The brilliant prick's meteoric ascent has so captured the nation's imagination that screenwriter Aaron Sorkin and acclaimed director David Fincher teamed up to immortalize the little wiener in the blockbuster film The Social Network, released in October.

Though his power and notoriety are sure to grow in coming years, you really can't begrudge Zuckerberg his fair-won success, even if he looks like a pimply-faced little fuckhead you could easily kick in the balls without feeling any remorse.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close