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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Mark Zuckerberg - Gotta Hand It To The Little Fucker

Founder of Facebook

No one made as large an impact on how we interact in 2010 as Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, whom you've really gotta hand it to, as much as you'd like to punch the little shit right in his smug, 26-year-old- billionaire face. Zuckerberg launched Facebook from his Harvard dorm room in 2004 and has since seen the social network grow from a few thousand college students to more 500 million users worldwide.

Smart little fucker, isn't he?

2010 was a landmark year for Zuckerberg: He watched his net worth surpass that of Steve Jobs and of Rupert Murdoch, while also expanding his online empire to include geo-location services, high-res photo-sharing, and enhanced personalization features, all of which just proved that the redheaded little dickface has really got our number and will always have us lining up and begging for more. Goddammit.

And recently joining the likes of Bill Gates and Warren Buffett in pledging to give most his income to charity is exactly the kind of maneuver a shitwad like this would pull to make you almost respect him.

The brilliant prick's meteoric ascent has so captured the nation's imagination that screenwriter Aaron Sorkin and acclaimed director David Fincher teamed up to immortalize the little wiener in the blockbuster film The Social Network, released in October.

Though his power and notoriety are sure to grow in coming years, you really can't begrudge Zuckerberg his fair-won success, even if he looks like a pimply-faced little fuckhead you could easily kick in the balls without feeling any remorse.

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