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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Marketing Department Under Impression Keebler Elves A Beloved Part Of American Culture

BATTLE CREEK, MI—Recent reports surfacing from within the Kellogg’s corporation suggest that the baked goods company’s marketing department labors under the apparent belief that the Keebler Elves are a beloved fixture in American popular culture. “Look, America loves, has always loved, and will always love Ernie Keebler, Fryer Tuck, Zoot, and the rest of the Keebler Elves, and so we have a responsibility—and I believe it is a sacred responsibility—to create marketing materials that appropriately honor and respect these deeply cherished characters,” said Kellogg’s Senior Vice President of Customer Marketing Darcey Macken, adding that for over 45 years the characters have been a mainstay of the American experience, as recognized and as treasured nationwide as apple pie, baseball, and Mickey Mouse. “And it is precisely because the Elves are such iconic figures that we must carefully vet each scenario we place them in to maintain continuity and, more importantly, to ensure that we are remaining faithful to the original, singularly winning personas that captured the country’s hearts and minds so many years ago. A love for the Elves is one of the first things Americans pass on to their children, and so for us it should be far less a burden than a great honor to preserve that legacy.” At press time, the Kellogg’s marketing department was drafting a request to the U.S. Postal Service to create a commemorative stamp featuring the Keebler Elves in front of their Hollow Tree Factory.

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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