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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Marriage Going To Be Hard To Go Back To On Monday

EAST HARTFORD, CT—Thinking wearily of the moment when he would have to return to the daily grind, local man Dan Zageris is already dreading going back to his marriage Monday, sources confirmed this weekend. “A couple of days away are great, but I know that when Monday morning rolls around, it will just start up all over again,” said Zageris, 36, adding that his anxiety will likely return on Sunday, as he becomes preoccupied with the thought of heading back to his monogamous relationship of eight years the following day. “Time off always flies by, and before I know it, I’m clocking back in with my wife and have another long slog of marriage ahead of me.” At press time, Zageris was reportedly keeping his head down and hoping to power through the next 40 years or so.

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