Marshawn Lynch

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Marshawn Lynch

Running Back, Seattle Seahawks

Strengths: Speed and size allow him to easily evade reporters; Works well with holes, openings, gaps

Weaknesses: Spending majority of game underneath 1,200 pounds of football players may eventually take a toll on health; Bashful, so needs encouragement from teammates to pick up blitzers; Refuses to gain yards before contact

Nickname: The Fellow Whose Traits Are Reminiscent Of A Beast’s

Running Style: Menopausal rhinoceros

Pregame Ritual: Headbutting Percy Harvin 10 times for good luck

Biggest Motivation: Seeing fan-made “BEAST MODE” signs in the crowd during a game

Social Security Number: 651-42-7506

NEXT: Richard Sherman