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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Mascot Absolutely Reeks

SYRACUSE, NY—Saying that they probably never clean the thing, sources confirmed Friday that Syracuse University’s mascot Otto the Orange absolutely reeked as he wove his way in and out of stands. “Oh God, I can smell him from here; it’s like a mixture of body odor and piss,” said student Dave Wringer as the large polyester orange made its way up the aisle toward him, the heavy scent of sweat and mildew reportedly wafting all around the costume. “Get him away from me—he smells fucking awful. That’s clearly soda somebody spilled on his side, but I don’t know what that black shit caked on him is. He’s disgusting.” After making his way through the student section, the Orange was reportedly approached by a young fan hoping for a hug.

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