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Mascot Absolutely Reeks

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How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
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Mascot Absolutely Reeks

SYRACUSE, NY—Saying that they probably never clean the thing, sources confirmed Friday that Syracuse University’s mascot Otto the Orange absolutely reeked as he wove his way in and out of stands. “Oh God, I can smell him from here; it’s like a mixture of body odor and piss,” said student Dave Wringer as the large polyester orange made its way up the aisle toward him, the heavy scent of sweat and mildew reportedly wafting all around the costume. “Get him away from me—he smells fucking awful. That’s clearly soda somebody spilled on his side, but I don’t know what that black shit caked on him is. He’s disgusting.” After making his way through the student section, the Orange was reportedly approached by a young fan hoping for a hug.

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