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‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Mass E-Mail Only Has Four Recipients

TALLAHASSEE, FL—A self-described mass e-mail containing the subject line "URGENT: Please help!" was sent from Jerrod32@gmail.com to only four different in-boxes, the handful of recipients reported Wednesday. "Dear friends, family, and everybody else," the message, which did not use the bcc feature and was clearly sent to jjones@msu.edu, marissa_daly@gmail.com, skimpy831@hotmail.com, and marissa_daly@yahoo.com, read in part. "Sorry for the mass e-mail, but this is important, and time is of the essence." As of press time, none of those who received the e-mail had, as requested, Dugg the sender's comment on the "Top 7 Most Annoying Video Game Enemies," since they all immediately deleted the message.

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FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

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