adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Mass E-Mail Only Has Four Recipients

TALLAHASSEE, FL—A self-described mass e-mail containing the subject line "URGENT: Please help!" was sent from Jerrod32@gmail.com to only four different in-boxes, the handful of recipients reported Wednesday. "Dear friends, family, and everybody else," the message, which did not use the bcc feature and was clearly sent to jjones@msu.edu, marissa_daly@gmail.com, skimpy831@hotmail.com, and marissa_daly@yahoo.com, read in part. "Sorry for the mass e-mail, but this is important, and time is of the essence." As of press time, none of those who received the e-mail had, as requested, Dugg the sender's comment on the "Top 7 Most Annoying Video Game Enemies," since they all immediately deleted the message.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close