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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Mass E-Mail Only Has Four Recipients

TALLAHASSEE, FL—A self-described mass e-mail containing the subject line "URGENT: Please help!" was sent from Jerrod32@gmail.com to only four different in-boxes, the handful of recipients reported Wednesday. "Dear friends, family, and everybody else," the message, which did not use the bcc feature and was clearly sent to jjones@msu.edu, marissa_daly@gmail.com, skimpy831@hotmail.com, and marissa_daly@yahoo.com, read in part. "Sorry for the mass e-mail, but this is important, and time is of the essence." As of press time, none of those who received the e-mail had, as requested, Dugg the sender's comment on the "Top 7 Most Annoying Video Game Enemies," since they all immediately deleted the message.

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