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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Matt Forte Suffers Career-Ending Contract With Chicago Bears

CHICAGO—The career of 26-year-old running back Matt Forte was tragically cut short Monday after Forte succumbed to a career-ending contract with the Chicago Bears. "It's such a shame to see such a promising young talent fall victim to a multi-year deal with the Bears," said ESPN's John Clayton, adding that he had to look away when Forte announced the painful signing. "We've unfortunately seen this fate befall so many players through the years and while some of them try to recover, after a few years spent battling with a Bears contract, nobody is ever the same." History has shown the effects of signing with Chicago has proven particularly harmful to running backs, with former Bears Cedric Benson, Curtis Enis, Rashaan Salaam and a host of others reaching out to express their sympathies to Forte.

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