adBlockCheck

Matt Leinart Demands Cardinals Hold Training Camp At His House

Top Headlines

Sports

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Matt Leinart Demands Cardinals Hold Training Camp At His House

PHOENIX—Arizona Cardinals first-round draft pick Matt Leinart has stunned the team by not only holding out on signing his rookie contract but demanding that training camp be moved to the more convenient location of his house. "I don't see why we have to go to all the way up to Flagstaff for camp. What do we need? A pool? Because I've got a pool. And some weights, and a 72-inch plasma television for, like, film study," the Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback told coach Dennis Green Wednesday. "And, oh, I just got this huge dining-room table that'd be great for drawing up plays, or even just, you know, chowing down." Football experts consider it unlikely that Cardinals management will accommodate Leinart, especially after strongly considering but ultimately rejecting his previous suggestion that the team play all its home games in Los Angeles.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close