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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Matt Ryan Votes 'No' In Online Poll Asking If He’s Elite Quarterback

ATLANTA—Calling the choice “a no-brainer,” Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan reportedly voted “no” this morning in an ESPN.com poll that asked, “Is Matt Ryan an elite NFL quarterback?” “Uh, no, obviously I’m not an elite player,” Ryan said as he submitted his answer, adding that he was “definitely not even in the top 10” and listing eight better quarterbacks right off the top of his head. “I mean, for starters, I have no pocket presence, my accuracy is pretty middle-of-the-road, and most importantly, I’m just not a born leader. Sure, the Falcons are 4-0, but so what? Who have they even played this year? Fucking nobody. They’ll be lucky to even make the playoffs.” On reviewing the poll’s results, Ryan noticed that more than 90 percent of voters from Georgia had selected “yes,” a decision he called “idiotic.”

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