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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Matt Schaub Releases Exhaustive List Of Who Deserves To Be On Texans' Roster

HOUSTON—Following up on his assertion that Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh is “not Houston Texan–worthy,” Texans quarterback Matt Schaub released a comprehensive list to the media Tuesday cataloging who he believes deserves a place on the team’s 53-man roster. “The following people are worthy of playing for the Houston Texans: Larry Fitzgerald, Peyton Manning, Brian Urlacher, Aldon Smith, Sebastian Janikowski,” said Schaub, reading an excerpt from the 10,000-name list, which he told reporters was compiled according to “who these people are and what they stand for.” “Additionally, Aaron Rodgers is a Texans-quality person, as are Deion Sanders, Walter Payton, Merlin Olsen, Rosa Parks, Dennis Rodman, Warren Buffett, my wonderful parents, Johnny Unitas, Suri Cruise, Manti Te’o, Genghis Khan, Calvin Johnson, and the architect Frank Lloyd Wright.” Schaub confirmed that only one current Texan is included on the list: second-string fullback Tyler Clutts.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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