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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Matt Schaub Releases Exhaustive List Of Who Deserves To Be On Texans' Roster

HOUSTON—Following up on his assertion that Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh is “not Houston Texan–worthy,” Texans quarterback Matt Schaub released a comprehensive list to the media Tuesday cataloging who he believes deserves a place on the team’s 53-man roster. “The following people are worthy of playing for the Houston Texans: Larry Fitzgerald, Peyton Manning, Brian Urlacher, Aldon Smith, Sebastian Janikowski,” said Schaub, reading an excerpt from the 10,000-name list, which he told reporters was compiled according to “who these people are and what they stand for.” “Additionally, Aaron Rodgers is a Texans-quality person, as are Deion Sanders, Walter Payton, Merlin Olsen, Rosa Parks, Dennis Rodman, Warren Buffett, my wonderful parents, Johnny Unitas, Suri Cruise, Manti Te’o, Genghis Khan, Calvin Johnson, and the architect Frank Lloyd Wright.” Schaub confirmed that only one current Texan is included on the list: second-string fullback Tyler Clutts.

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