adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Maurice Clarett Shows Up Late For Prison Camp

COLUMBUS, OH—Former Ohio State running back Maurice Clarett began his new career as an inmate with the Ohio state prison system by showing up over eight hours late for his first day at Chillicothe State Correctional Camp, a move that did not sit well with officials. "For a rookie in our system to start out like this is a big mistake, to put it mildly," said warden Samuel Gordon, who had been looking forward to overseeing the eight-year deal for aggravated assault Clarett plead guilty to on Tuesday. "Your best bet around here is to blend in, keep your head down, and toe the line at roll call and during cell searches. Act like you're above the law around here and you'll soon find out how wrong you are." Chillicothe management has already taken steps to curtail Clarett's undesirable behavior by assigning him to room with Curtis "Big Sweetie" McCulloch, a 12-year veteran known for his prowess in breaking in new recruits.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close