Maurice Clarett Shows Up Late For Prison Camp

In This Section

Vol 42 Issue 38

$2 Billion Environment Pledge

Richard Branson, the eccentric head of the Virgin Group, has pledged two billion dollars to fight global warming. What do you think?

Bloodless Thai Coup

Thailand went through a bloodless coup while the President was out in the United States to address the United Nations. That do you think?
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Energy

Maurice Clarett Shows Up Late For Prison Camp

COLUMBUS, OH—Former Ohio State running back Maurice Clarett began his new career as an inmate with the Ohio state prison system by showing up over eight hours late for his first day at Chillicothe State Correctional Camp, a move that did not sit well with officials. "For a rookie in our system to start out like this is a big mistake, to put it mildly," said warden Samuel Gordon, who had been looking forward to overseeing the eight-year deal for aggravated assault Clarett plead guilty to on Tuesday. "Your best bet around here is to blend in, keep your head down, and toe the line at roll call and during cell searches. Act like you're above the law around here and you'll soon find out how wrong you are." Chillicothe management has already taken steps to curtail Clarett's undesirable behavior by assigning him to room with Curtis "Big Sweetie" McCulloch, a 12-year veteran known for his prowess in breaking in new recruits.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More