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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Maya Angelou Thought She’d Be Invited To More White House Stuff

WINSTON-SALEM, NC—Saying that she didn’t want to be presumptuous but had thought her celebrated literary career, numerous academic honors, and tireless political activism would put her "pretty high up" on guests lists, Maya Angelou told reporters Monday she just always assumed she would be invited to more White House stuff.  "I’m not saying I need to be a regular, but there’s stuff going on there pretty much every week that I’d be perfect for," said Angelou, adding that she was surprised last month when she was not invited to speak at "A Celebration of American Poetry, Past and Present," which she described as an event that was "so obviously in [her] wheelhouse." "I would have been more than happy to write a poem for, say, a Women’s History Month event featuring the first lady, but March went by and no one’s aide or secretary ever called—not once. C’mon, that’s bullshit." At press time, Angelou had circled the University of Kentucky basketball team’s White House visit on her calendar and said she plans to just show up and see what happens.

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Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

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