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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Maya Moore

Women's Basketball — Lawrenceville, Georgia

Endorsements: American Tripe Council, Pontiac, Lady Subway

Why She Wants To Compete In Women’s Basketball For Team USA: Free gold medal/trip to London

Hobbies: Plays in recreational WNBA league

Signature Dunk: The “Almost”

Diet: Forages for scraps found under bleachers

NEXT: Tyson Gay

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