Mayan Calendar Warns Of Cataclysmic Roland Emmerich Film On Nov. 13

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DETROIT—A recent announcement that the WNBA's Detroit Shock would be moving to Tulsa, OK next season seemed pretty much in line with what one would expect from the women's professional basketball league, observers told reporters Sunday.

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Mayan Calendar Warns Of Cataclysmic Roland Emmerich Film On Nov. 13

CHICHÉN ITZÁ, MEXICO—Scholars of the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar warned Monday that, according to ancient Mayan calculations, a devastating film by German director Roland Emmerich is set to occur on Nov. 13, 2009. "On this date, near the end of the 13th baktun cycle, when the sun will converge with the centerline of the Milky Way, we will see the release of an overblown ensemble epic by the man responsible for Godzilla and 10,000 BC that could very well end John Cusack's career as we know it," said Thomas Haney, an independent researcher specializing in pre-Columbian cosmology. "At this point, all we can do is hope and pray that the high priests were wrong and the running time is less than 143 minutes." Hastening fears of an unstoppable late-fall disaster has been the discovery of a tablet depicting Mayan king Pacal storming out of a Loews cinema in disgust.

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