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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Mayor Hits On Crazy Idea Of Developing City’s Waterfront, Green Spaces

ERIE, PA—Readily acknowledging how outlandish the idea might seem at first, Erie, PA mayor Joe Sinnott held a press conference Tuesday to announce his new and “admittedly crazy” initiative to develop the city’s waterfront and green spaces. “I recognize this probably sounds insane, but I’ve got this strange feeling there might be some sort of upside to converting our unused and blighted lakefront into a family- and business-friendly hub of the community,” Sinnott told reporters, explaining how the counterintuitive and “probably a little nuts” proposal would replace the decaying and unsightly old manufacturing buildings along Lake Erie with a vibrant retail-entertainment district. “But wait, it gets crazier: What if we also took some of the nearby vacant lots and—hold on to your hats, guys—turned them into public parks? With dog runs? Sounds bonkers, right? But I think it just might work.” Though the proposal has received cautious support, city council president Melvin Witherspoon told reporters that the mayor’s idea to open the refurbished waterfront with a weekend-long street festival was “the unhinged ranting of a madman.”

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