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Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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McCain Blasts Obama As Out Of Touch In Burma-Shave-Style Billboard Campaign

RAPID CITY, SD—John McCain escalated his attacks on Obama's leadership credentials Tuesday by endorsing a series of rhyming Burma-Shave-style billboards that accuse the Democratic presidential candidate of being out of touch with the current political landscape. "Barack Is Sipping/Fine Champagne/While U.S. Jobs/Go Down The Drain/ McCain '08," read the five consecutive 2-by-5-foot bright red wooden signs erected along a 1.5-mile stretch of South Dakota highway, emulating an advertising medium first popularized by the Burma-Vita Company in 1926 to sell brushless shaving cream. As a follow-up to the scathing roadside polemic, McCain announced plans to lampoon Obama's foreign policy inexperience in a short skit alongside comedian Bert Wheeler and the vivacious Dorothy Lee, to be seen on the late-night variety program Cavalcade Of Stars on the DuMont Television Network.

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