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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.
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McCain Late To Debate Due To Greyhound Delays

DES MOINES, IA—Citing a series of unanticipated disruptions to the Greyhound bus service, a red-faced and breathless Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) arrived 50 minutes after the start of the Republican presidential debates Sunday. According to the beleaguered candidate, a series of departure delays, missed transfers, and a flat tire outside Oxford, OH forced him to arrive at the outskirts of Iowa's capital five minutes before the debate was about to begin. "To the esteemed people of Des Moines, the ABC viewers at home, and moderator George Stephanopoulos, I'm sorry I'm late," McCain said as he assumed his position behind his assigned podium and fastened his lavalier microphone to his lapel. "I would've called, but I was out of minutes on my prepaid cell phone." As the broadcast ended, McCain sprinted backstage to relieve himself and fill his suit pockets with complimentary bottled water and the contents of a cheese platter.

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Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

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