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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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McCain Refusing To Tell Voters What's In Box Unless Elected

WASHINGTON–With just one day before voters head to the polls, presidential candidate John McCain told the American people Monday that, unless elected, he would never reveal the contents of his secret mystery crate. "My friends, it's time we faced the major question of our day, and that question is: what's he got inside that thing?" said the Senator, thumping the sequined container with his fist and raising a single eyebrow. "It might be cash, or a way to fix the economy. One thing's for sure, though—it'd be a real shame to miss it." At press time, Sen. McCain's Mystery Box plan is expected to do better than his pledge to "utterly destroy" all who cross him.

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