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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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McCain Refusing To Tell Voters What's In Box Unless Elected

WASHINGTON–With just one day before voters head to the polls, presidential candidate John McCain told the American people Monday that, unless elected, he would never reveal the contents of his secret mystery crate. "My friends, it's time we faced the major question of our day, and that question is: what's he got inside that thing?" said the Senator, thumping the sequined container with his fist and raising a single eyebrow. "It might be cash, or a way to fix the economy. One thing's for sure, though—it'd be a real shame to miss it." At press time, Sen. McCain's Mystery Box plan is expected to do better than his pledge to "utterly destroy" all who cross him.

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