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Politics

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.
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McCain's Energy Plan Emphasizes Elbow Grease, Sleeve-Rolling-Up

HOUSTON—While campaigning in Texas Monday, Sen. John McCain delivered a speech outlining his personal energy policy, a plan that offsets rising gas prices and dependence on foreign oil with a 38 percent increase in the national get-up-and-go. "Developing an intelligent energy policy is not only an environmental concern, but a national security concern as well, which is why I have developed a comprehensive plan to make hay while the sun's still shining," said the Republican presidential nominee, pulling out a dustpan. "If we are going to stave off another energy crisis, it is essential for all Americans to put your shoulders into it, wipe the sand out of your eyes, and reduce our dependence on foreign oil by 20 percent over the next five years." Sen. McCain said he has no doubt his energy plan will be successful, as he enacted a similar strategy in October when he had to clean out his garage.

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Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

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