McDonald's Introduces New 6-Piece Chicken NcNoltes

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Vol 49 Issue 26

Progressive Charter School Doesn’t Have Students

ATLANTA—One year into its founding as the purported “bold next step in education reform,” administrators on Monday sang the praises of Forest Gates Academy, a progressive new charter school that practices an innovative philosophy of not ...

Government Bans Sugary, Fatty Snacks From Schools

Under the government’s new “Smart Snacks in Schools” guidelines, schools will no longer be allowed to stock vending machines or snack bars with treats exceeding 200 calories or those including trans fats.

Magic Skateboard

PBS 3 p.m. EDT/2 p.m. CDT In this spinoff of The Magic School Bus, Mrs. Frizzle and her class hop on the magic skateboard and try to land a 360 varial inside the principal’s small intestine.

Senate Passes Immigration Reform Bill

With 14 Republicans joining Democrats, the Senate passed a sweeping immigration reform bill yesterday, which would provide a 13-year path to citizenship for the nation’s illegal immigrants, though the bill faces strong opposition from House Republic...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

McDonald's Introduces New 6-Piece Chicken NcNoltes

OAK BROOK, IL—Touting its latest menu offering as a grizzled, tough, and brashly exciting dining option, McDonald’s CEO Don Thompson officially launched the company’s new six-piece Chicken NcNoltes meal at a press event Wednesday. “America spoke and we listened—our new Chicken NcNoltes have the mouth-watering gristle, crusty seasoning, and leathery texture that our customers have been clamoring for,” Thompson told gathered reporters, noting that the new product is made with only the most weathered and world-weary portions of all-white meat. “Whether you’re in the mood for a gruff, imposing dinner, or simply searching for a snack that looks like it’s on the verge of completely falling apart, our six-piece Chicken NcNoltes are certain to hit the spot.” Thompson added that the new Chicken NcNoltes paired perfectly with the chain’s mild and likable Ruffalo Sauce.

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