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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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McDonald’s Now Offering Bereavement Prices

OAK BROOK, IL—Saying that the company is proud to support its customers in their darkest hour of sorrow, McDonald’s representatives announced Tuesday that the fast food chain will begin offering lower bereavement pricing to patrons who have recently lost a loved one. “We all know the pain of losing a family member, and we here at McDonald’s want to help assuage the anguish and stress of this difficult emotional period by offering grieving customers 10 percent off our signature burgers and premium McWraps, including our Bacon Habanero Ranch Quarter Pounder, which usually retails at $3.99, for just $3.59,” said McDonald’s spokesperson Troy Calhoun, noting that customers would simply have to supply the cashier or drive-thru attendant with the name and relationship of the deceased as well as a funeral home, hospice, or hospital contact number to receive the discount and a complimentary small soft drink. “During your family’s time of mourning, you can take solace in knowing that McDonald’s compassion discounts extend even to our seasonal promotional items, which currently include our spicy and satisfying bone-in Mighty Wings and our popular Shamrock Shake. In hard times such as these, let McDonald’s be your comfort.” Calhoun added that the offer is valid only within the first seven days of death and does not apply to Dollar Menu items.

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