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McDonald's Restaurant To Open in Washroom Of Existing McDonald's

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—The McDonald's Corporation, ever dedicated to providing inexpensive, tasty and convenient food to as much of the world as possible, will be open its newest franchise in the men's washroom of an existing McDonald's.

Customers will soon be able to enjoy the delicious taste of McDonald's food and take care of hygienic needs at the same time, when a brand-new restaurant opens in the bathroom of a Charlottesville, VA, McDonald's.

The new restaurant, decorated in a '50s rock 'n' roll theme and featuring an indoor playland, was inaugurated Tuesday with a ribbon-cutting ceremony held in the washroom. Featured guests include a marching band, the director of Charlottesville's Chamber of Commerce and a special appearance by Ronald McDonald himself.

"Eat our hamburgers," the grinning, delighted McDonald said. "Eat them."

"Consumers just can't afford to be far from the great taste of McDonald's," said Quinn Reynolds, vice president in charge of promotions for McDonald's. "Whether they're at home, on the job or attending to basic hygienic needs, all people should have easy access to delicious McDonald's food."

"This is a great addition," said Steve Connolly, a Charlottesville banker and frequent McDonald's customer who tried out the new McDonald's Tuesday. "I was enjoying my Arch Deluxe Value Meal, had to go to the bathroom, and saw that there were already three people in line for the stalls. The wait might have been a problem, but to my great pleasure, there was another McDonald's restaurant right there, ready to serve me more hot, tasty food. And the service was quick and friendly."

"The washroom was a natural choice for a new location," Reynolds said. "The people going in there are people who like McDonald's food. Often young children are accompanied by their parents when going to the washroom, and McDonald's has always been the perfect place for families."

"I was a little bit worried about the new restaurant cutting into our business," said Dave Grobelkowski, manager of the original restaurant. "But the only people going there are ones who've just bought stuff from us anyway. And if we run out of supplies, we can just go to the bathroom and borrow some."

"Ideally, all restrooms everywhere would provide ready access to McDonald's food," Reynolds said. "But that ambitious scheme is at least five years down the road. Meanwhile, we plan to open an additional restaurant in the ladies' room within months, and are already drafting plans for a fourth restaurant along the corridor leading from the dining room to the restrooms. And most likely, a 'Mac Express' window will open in the walk-in freezer of the original restaurant."

"Grimace is my friend," noted McDonald. "Watch out for the Hamburglar."

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Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

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