McDonnell-Douglas Unveils New 'Gay-Dar'

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Vol 44 Issue 26

Right To Own Guns Upheld

In its first interpretation of the Second Amendment in 80 years, the Supreme Court overturned Washington D.C.'s gun ban, stating that Americans had the right to own handguns. What do you think?

George Takei To Wed Partner

Following California's legalization of gay marriage, George Takei, best known as Sulu on Star Trek, has applied to marry his longtime partner....
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Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Partying

McDonnell-Douglas Unveils New 'Gay-Dar'

WASHINGTON, DC—McDonnell-Douglas unveiled its new $500 million "Gay-Dar" homosexual-detection system Monday, the most sophisticated such system ever developed. "This device can instinctively tell the sexual orientation of an individual at distances of up to 12 miles. Somehow, it just knows," McDonnell-Douglas CEO Frank Reed said. "The military applications of the system are limitless, not just against potentially gay enemies, but within the U.S. military itself." According to Pentagon sources, gay enlistees will be weeded out using Gay-Dar, and lieutenants will use it to know which women they may molest and which will merely get "all dykey on them."

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