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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Meaninglessness Of Preseason Game Plunges Jeremy Shockey Into Existential Crisis

NEW YORK—Struggling to find purpose in life after his realization that the Giants' 13-12 victory over the Ravens Sunday night would have no bearing on the team's standings, tight end Jeremy Shockey has been questioning whether preseason games have any purpose, meaning, or even reality in and of themselves. "What the fuck is the fucking point of even striving, and being human, erring in the process, if nothing is accomplished by doing so?" Shockey asked reporters after the game while solemnly stroking the tattoo of a bald eagle wrapped in an American flag that adorns his right bicep. "It's like one of those fucking, what do you call them, paradoxes, in which one believes that this goddamned game is important enough to show up for, while at the same time you perceive that your one catch for 18 yards doesn't actually count for shit." Shockey went on to say that until his position's significance and his place in the game could be determined, he would continue to reject the concept of practice.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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