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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Meaninglessness Of Preseason Game Plunges Jeremy Shockey Into Existential Crisis

NEW YORK—Struggling to find purpose in life after his realization that the Giants' 13-12 victory over the Ravens Sunday night would have no bearing on the team's standings, tight end Jeremy Shockey has been questioning whether preseason games have any purpose, meaning, or even reality in and of themselves. "What the fuck is the fucking point of even striving, and being human, erring in the process, if nothing is accomplished by doing so?" Shockey asked reporters after the game while solemnly stroking the tattoo of a bald eagle wrapped in an American flag that adorns his right bicep. "It's like one of those fucking, what do you call them, paradoxes, in which one believes that this goddamned game is important enough to show up for, while at the same time you perceive that your one catch for 18 yards doesn't actually count for shit." Shockey went on to say that until his position's significance and his place in the game could be determined, he would continue to reject the concept of practice.

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