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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Media Ignores Cancer Struggle Of Champion Unicyclist

KEY WEST, FL (July 26)—While seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong's battle with cancer has been well-covered in the media, his counterpart in the more insular world of unicycling has garnered very little attention. "Three-time Tour de Farce champion Nick Ienatsch's battle with mouth cancer is no less real than Armstrong's, and he should be considered just as powerful a symbol of triumph," said Mitch Boehm, editor-in-chief of Unicyclist magazine and Ienatsch's biographer. "He may be a wobblier, somewhat less-dignified symbol, but inarguably, one of hope." Ienatsch, known for his brash, outspoken manner and his smokeless-tobacco sponsorship, claims he is not a hero. "I'm just fighting cancer as any other human-powered-vehicle enthusiast would," he said. "Be he bicyclist, unicyclist, recumbent bicyclist, or pogoist."

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