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Media Relieved They Don’t Have To Deal With Fucking Harbaughs This Year

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How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
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Media Relieved They Don’t Have To Deal With Fucking Harbaughs This Year

NEW YORK—Grateful to interview anyone but the two head coach brothers, members of the sports media expressed on Wednesday their unanimous, unequivocal relief that they didn’t have to put up with those goddamn Harbaughs while covering this year’s Super Bowl. “Thank fucking Christ,” said NESN reporter Doug Kyed, adding that he “just could not handle” sitting through any more terse, hostile press conferences with that asshole Jim or pretending to care that John was always the supportive brother. “Compared to that god-awful Harbaugh shit, John Fox is nothing—he just shuts up and lets Peyton Manning go. Hell, even Carroll’s fine. Give me Pete Carroll any day of the week if it means I never have to talk to another fucking Harbaugh again.” Media personnel were reportedly further relieved after realizing they wouldn’t have to watch Joe Flacco take a single snap on Sunday.

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