adBlockCheck

Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
End Of Section
  • More News

Media Reminds Public Not To Overemphasize Super Tuesday Results Or Draw Any Sort Of Wide-Reaching Conclusions

NEW YORK—Stressing that the last thing they would ever want is to be responsible for unduly affecting the course of the nomination process, members of the news media urged the public not to be swayed by their breathless, second-by-second Super Tuesday coverage and to refrain from drawing any sweeping, broad conclusions about the current state of the American political system on the basis of said coverage. "Let's remember not to place too much importance on anything that happens tonight, or act like any single event could make or break a candidate, signal the overall direction of the Republican Party, or sum up the opinions of voters in general," CNN's Wolf Blitzer said as the results trickled in during his nonstop, seven-hour coverage of the voting. "Come to think of it, even the phrase Super Tuesday may be a bit unfair, as it makes the ballots cast on this day seem more important than others, which is frankly a sensationalist way of looking at things considering we still have 28 states, the District of Columbia, and five U.S. territories left to go." Blitzer later added that presenting extended coverage and analysis of Super Tuesday at all was ultimately unnecessary given that "realistically speaking, Romney pretty much has this thing wrapped up."

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close