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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Media Watchdog Spokesman Sought On Embezzlement Charges

OMAHA, NE—According to FBI sources, the nonprofit media watchdog group Americans for Fairness in Awarding Journalism Prizes, or AFAJP, was ordered to cease operations Friday after its spokesman and president, Stephen Forbeck, was indicted on 24 counts of embezzlement, fraud, and money-laundering. “Over the past 20 years, Mr. Forbeck—aka Thomas Porter, aka Richard Vernon, aka Israel Greenburg, and the list goes on—has gone from media organization to media organization, tricking them all into thinking he could get them the awards they deserve, all while illegally appropriating tens of million dollars in supporter donations for his own personal use,” lead investigator Paul Coughlin told reporters from outside AFAJP’s main office, which, aside from a dozen phones and random sheets of paper strewn across the floor, was completely deserted prior to the FBI raid. “Mr. Forbeck remains at-large at this time. And we’d like to inform all media organizations, especially desperate ones, that as impressive as Mr. Forbeck’s credentials sound, there is no such thing as a J.D. in Journalism Award Giving and Award Law.” At press time, security cameras at Los Angeles International Airport captured an image of a figure resembling Forbeck boarding a flight to Barbados.

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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

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