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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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Mel Gibson - His Performance In 'Payback' Still Not Getting Enough Credit

Actor

In one of the biggest entertainment scandals of the year, Mel Gibson, more than a decade after the fact, still has not received the critical acclaim he deserves for his powerful yet nuanced performance in the 1999 action-thriller Payback.

Playing the role of Porter, a street-smart ex-Marine who plots revenge after being shot by his best friend and junkie wife and left to die, Gibson treats audiences to 100 minutes of pure edge-of-your seat drama, a feat that somehow failed to garner a single Oscar nod or a spot on AFI's top-100 list. His masterful realization of the character was inexplicably lost in the shuffle, and when looking back on 2010, this travesty will always be remembered as one of the most talked-about slights of this, or any, year.

The movie's tagline, "Get ready to root for the bad guy," is ironic, given Gibson's squeaky-clean public persona.

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