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The Onion’s Fall TV Preview

Networks are just weeks away from debuting their Fall lineups, featuring both new shows and returning favorites. The Onion breaks down what to watch this Fall.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

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Members Of Opening Band Walking Among Crowd During Intermission Like Gods Among Men

OXNARD, CA—Descending from the stage as though from Mount Olympus on high, members of the alt-rock band Cold Thunder reportedly deigned to mingle among the awestruck masses at Club Lagos Thursday evening after the group’s 20-minute opening set. “Thanks for coming out, guys,” one of the godlike beings called to a throng of lowly supplicants, who gazed upon the almighty ones as they sipped upon the fine nectar they had obtained with their two complimentary drink tickets. “We’ve got another show next week, so come on out if you can. And we’re selling CDs out front. Only 10 bucks. We’ve got a mailing list, too, so definitely sign up for that.” Reports indicate the magnificent deities then hauled their equipment back to their van, leaving behind only a mythic afterglow, and the undying memory of their valor and might.

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