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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Members Of U2 To Stare In Different Directions

DUBLIN—In what many record- industry insiders are calling a return to the band's mid-'80s prime, members of U2 announced Monday plans to stare in different directions. Guitarist The Edge said he will stand slightly behind lead singer Bono and stare off to his right, as if gazing purposefully into an uncertain, yet hopeful, future. Bassist Adam Clayton will stare downward, burdened by the weight of injustices all over the world. Drummer Larry Mullen Jr. will look up, as if searching for guidance from a higher power. Lead singer Bono has still not committed to a specific position, saying, "That is a decision I can only make in the actual moment of artistic creation. But it'll be a different direction than the other three, you can count on that, brother!" The multi-directional staring is expected to take place atop a jagged, rocky peak.

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