adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
End Of Section
  • More News

Members Of U2 To Stare In Different Directions

DUBLIN—In what many record- industry insiders are calling a return to the band's mid-'80s prime, members of U2 announced Monday plans to stare in different directions. Guitarist The Edge said he will stand slightly behind lead singer Bono and stare off to his right, as if gazing purposefully into an uncertain, yet hopeful, future. Bassist Adam Clayton will stare downward, burdened by the weight of injustices all over the world. Drummer Larry Mullen Jr. will look up, as if searching for guidance from a higher power. Lead singer Bono has still not committed to a specific position, saying, "That is a decision I can only make in the actual moment of artistic creation. But it'll be a different direction than the other three, you can count on that, brother!" The multi-directional staring is expected to take place atop a jagged, rocky peak.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close