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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Members Of U.S. Women’s Soccer Team Love Each Other Like Sisters And All That Shit

HARRISON, NJ—Following a 1-0 victory over Mexico last Sunday, representatives from the U.S. women’s soccer team said all that touchy-feely garbage they usually say about how much they love each other and how the whole team is like one big family. “These girls are like my sisters,” said midfielder Carli Lloyd, who added a slew of overly sentimental, gag-inducing drivel that included such bullshit as “This is a collection of very strong women,” and “We definitely have our fights, but in the end, there is only love here.” “When it comes to these girls, I’d do anything for them and they’d do anything for me.” In two weeks, the team will travel to Germany for the 2011 World Cup, in which they will more than likely talk about the 1999 women’s soccer team with so much reverence that it’ll literally make you want to puke all over the place.

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