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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Men And Women Of Armed Forces Thank Local Woman For Song Dedication

PITTSBURGH—Radio station WXPT was flooded with calls from more than 140,000 members of the United States military Monday thanking a local woman for dedicating Aerosmith's "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" to them during the quitting-time rock block on Pittsburgh's Home of Classic Rock. "The armed forces in Iraq are eternally grateful to Judy Walther of Lawrenceville, PA for picking up the phone, dialing the WXPT hotline, and waiting on hold for 43 grueling seconds," Gen. David Petraeus said in a personal call to the station's general manager. "We didn't deserve it, and we couldn't hear it, but we all appreciate this brave woman's service to her country. Ma'am, you did more for us with that one song than all the body armor in the world could have." Petraeus in turn dedicated an upcoming tactical operation to Walther that will include the shelling of a suspected terrorist safehouse in Tikrit.

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