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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Men, Boys Separated

CORNING, KS—The male population of a Kansas town was effectively separated into categorically distinct groupings by displaying either bravery or cowardice during a devastating F4 tornado that tore through the tiny community Wednesday, authorities reported.

"John Hastings' little girl was standing out in the middle of the field, but he just crouched under the porch while that burnout Derek McColl ran out to save her," said Nemaha County Sheriff Bert Wyche, 53, whose own manhood was confirmed in the disaster. "Ty Harding is only 6, but took his first steps out of boyhood when he calmly remembered what he learned in school and made sure his mother and dog got to the family cellar safely."

While the classifications of the town's females remained unaffected by their own actions during the tornado, three girls were reportedly made into women during the ensuing power outage.

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