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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Men Standing Behind Backstop With Radar Guns Exchange Impressed Glances

Lakeland, FL—During a recent throwing session by Tigers' top prospect Rick Porcello, two men holding radar guns in the bleachers behind home plate could be seen shooting each other knowing glances, shaking their heads, and letting out low whistles after each pitch. "Kid's got an arm," one man said while lifting his hat and scratching his head with the same hand just before spitting a stream of tobacco juice between his teeth. His companion, a large man in suspenders who punctuated his comments by mopping his brow, seemed to agree, remarking that he had "been around for a long time" and had "never seen anything like it." The men went on to remark that they had not seen an arm like that since Yankee great Steve Nebraska or Cubs great Henry Rowengartner.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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