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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Mesmerized Kevin Ware Can't Stop Watching Video Of His Leg Breaking On YouTube

INDIANAPOLIS—After suffering a gruesome compound fracture during last weekend’s NCAA Midwest Regional final, Louisville guard Kevin Ware has been constantly rewatching a minute-long clip of his leg breaking on YouTube, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Whoa,” said Ware, who reportedly muttered to himself as he played the footage of his right tibia violently snapping in half for the 24th consecutive time. “It’s completely disgusting, but I can’t stop watching it. Christ, if you go back to the 25-second mark you can definitely see the bone come through the skin and blood spill all over the court.” At press time, a completely silent Ware was watching a continuously looping three-second GIF of his shin bending at a 90-degree angle in slow motion.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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