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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Message From The Mayor

A special message from Mayor Sue Hallinan:

“Just wanted to let folks know that there’s going to be a whole bunch of commotion down at Tuffy’s this evening as several members of the national press will be in town. In case you haven’t heard, our boy Tuffy has had the distinct honor of being the man who officially ended the American Dream when he decided to give up on turning Tuffy’s into a bar & grill.

Just so you know, we are going to be closing off Hoover Street between 4th and 5th streets to handle the crowd, but if you’re in the neighborhood come on over! Drinks are going to be half price, Dale will be out there selling hot dogs, and Lucille will be doing some face painting for the kids. However, I just want to remind you that if you are given the opportunity to talk to one of the reporters, remember that you are a representative of Pennington and should be on your best behavior, and please don’t bring up last week’s IHOP fire. We’re still investigating that. See you all tonight and congratulations, Tuffy!”


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