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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Messi: ‘I’m Sorry I Let Down The People Of Barcelona’

RIO DE JANEIRO—After suffering a crushing defeat to Germany in Sunday’s World Cup final, visibly emotional Argentina star Lionel Messi offered a heartfelt apology to all of his fellow compatriots in Barcelona. “To everyone back home in Barcelona: I’m sorry I couldn’t win it for you,” Messi told reporters, adding that he had hoped to parade the hallowed World Cup trophy through the streets of Catalonia. “It was always my dream to win this honor for my people, but I gave absolutely everything I had on the field and just fell short. Even in defeat, I can honestly say I’ve never felt more proud to be Catalan.” Sources close to Messi later confirmed his private fear that after his disappointing performance in the final, he will never be able to show his face in Catalonia again.

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