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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Mets Acquire Guillermo Mota From Indians In Daring Midnight Raid

CLEVELAND—Mets GM Omar Minaya announced yesterday that Guillermo Mota has checked out as healthy and relatively unscathed after being acquired last Sunday at midnight when intrepid Mets scouts used smoke grenades and the cover of a moonless night to rappel into Cleveland's Jacobs Field and acquire the 33-year-old right-hander. "We expect Guillermo to report as soon as the effects of our tranquilizer dart have worn off," said Minaya, who began planning the operation soon after Mota impressed him by beaning then-Mets catcher Mike Piazza with a pitch in the spring of 2003. "Once he comes to and realizes he's a Met, we expect his gratitude to show in a high standard of play, just like Orlando Hernandez did when we smuggled him out of the Diamondbacks camp in that laundry cart." The Indians organization has released a statement saying they will be seeking compensation in the form of a Mets player to be suddenly, swiftly, and silently named later.

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