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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Mets Fans Perplexed By New Stadium's Prominent Tim Teufel Statue

NEW YORK—Although an undeniable atmosphere of excitement swirled around new Mets ballpark Citi Field at its unofficial opening Friday, many of the team's fans were put off by an 18-foot-tall bronze statue of Tim Teufel displayed in the center of the Jackie Robinson Rotunda. "From far away I thought it was a really nice tribute to Tom Seaver or Darryl Strawberry, but then, boom, there's Tim Teufel," fan Kevin McGoey said about the statue, which includes a plaque commemorating the second baseman's career .254 average and 86 home runs. "Actually, I had to read the little placard underneath to figure out who it was. I mean, we've had Mike Piazza, Lenny Dykstra.... Even a Robin Ventura statue would make a lot more sense. And man, is it big. Does it have to be so big?" Other notable features of Citi Field include a mural of Jerry Grote portraits, a giant scoreboard in the shape of Benny Agbayani, and lemonade served by Dwight Gooden himself.

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