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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Mets Fans Perplexed By New Stadium's Prominent Tim Teufel Statue

NEW YORK—Although an undeniable atmosphere of excitement swirled around new Mets ballpark Citi Field at its unofficial opening Friday, many of the team's fans were put off by an 18-foot-tall bronze statue of Tim Teufel displayed in the center of the Jackie Robinson Rotunda. "From far away I thought it was a really nice tribute to Tom Seaver or Darryl Strawberry, but then, boom, there's Tim Teufel," fan Kevin McGoey said about the statue, which includes a plaque commemorating the second baseman's career .254 average and 86 home runs. "Actually, I had to read the little placard underneath to figure out who it was. I mean, we've had Mike Piazza, Lenny Dykstra.... Even a Robin Ventura statue would make a lot more sense. And man, is it big. Does it have to be so big?" Other notable features of Citi Field include a mural of Jerry Grote portraits, a giant scoreboard in the shape of Benny Agbayani, and lemonade served by Dwight Gooden himself.

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