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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Mets Vow To Win One More Game Next Year

After a record-setting collapse which saw the stunned New York Mets squander a seven-game lead with only 17 games left to play in the season and allowed themselves to be eliminated from the playoffs by a single game, manager Willie Randolph vowed that the Mets would in fact win "one more game" in 2008. "Our problem was clearly that we won only 88 games while the Phillies won 89," said the visibly agitated Randolph moments after a season-ending 7-1 loss to the lowly Florida Marlins. "Next year, we'll just win 89 games, not 88, which is not enough wins. Or maybe we will win one of our games against the Phillies, ideally at Shea, in September, when we have a six-and-a-half game lead. Instead of getting swept. That way we'd just barely win the division outright. Yes. Yes. That's what we'll do. That's exactly what we'll do." When asked to comment on his manager's decision, third baseman David Wright remained crouched in a corner, rocking back and forth and humming tunelessly to himself.

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