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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Metta World Peace Signs 2-Year Deal With ‘New York Post’

NEW YORK—Calling it “the perfect place for someone like me,” outspoken former Lakers forward Metta World Peace announced Monday that he had agreed to a two-year deal with the New York Post. “I know the Post has been wanting a player like this for a long time, and frankly, Metta couldn’t be more excited about the role he will play in their paper,” said Marc Cornstein, World Peace’s agent, who told reporters that his client would shine in the tabloid’s controversial headlines and sensationalist articles. “As much as the Post may prefer the Ron Artest of old, I think both sides understand that Metta may be a little older but still has plenty to contribute to New York newsstands.” Details of the deal have yet to be made public, but many are speculating World Peace could yield nearly as much ink as Tim Tebow drew last year, depending on whether he reaches any of the outburst, tirade, or physical violence incentives built into his contract.

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