Metta World Peace Signs 2-Year Deal With ‘New York Post’

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Vol 49 Issue 29

Royal Baby Born

LONDON—After months of anticipation, representatives for the Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton confirmed today that the royal baby has finally made its way into the world.

Martha Sarahns

Martha Sarahns, 78, passed away Saturday night surrounded by her closest friends, family, and this random dude who looked completely lost.

Not-That-Important Employee Snatches Best Donut In Box

FORT WAYNE, IN—Employees at Sapphire Business Solutions expressed their collective outrage Friday at the brazen conduct of sales associate Isaac Schuler, a largely unimportant staffer who’s only been with the company for maybe a month and who ...

Detroit Files For Bankruptcy

Detroit became the largest municipality in U.S. history to seek bankruptcy protection yesterday, which will likely force the city to slash government employment, sell assets, and further pare back municipal services.
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Metta World Peace Signs 2-Year Deal With ‘New York Post’

NEW YORK—Calling it “the perfect place for someone like me,” outspoken former Lakers forward Metta World Peace announced Monday that he had agreed to a two-year deal with the New York Post. “I know the Post has been wanting a player like this for a long time, and frankly, Metta couldn’t be more excited about the role he will play in their paper,” said Marc Cornstein, World Peace’s agent, who told reporters that his client would shine in the tabloid’s controversial headlines and sensationalist articles. “As much as the Post may prefer the Ron Artest of old, I think both sides understand that Metta may be a little older but still has plenty to contribute to New York newsstands.” Details of the deal have yet to be made public, but many are speculating World Peace could yield nearly as much ink as Tim Tebow drew last year, depending on whether he reaches any of the outburst, tirade, or physical violence incentives built into his contract.

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