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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.
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Miami Dolphins Wonder If They'll Have End Zones In England

MIAMI—While preparing for their upcoming game in London against the New York Giants, the struggling Miami Dolphins spent most of the week's practices trying to answer questions concerning differences in the football itself, whether the gaps in a British line were numbered backwards, and whether or not England has end zones. "All right…I know when you cross the Atlantic that the strong side is the weak side and weak side is the strong side, so you drive down the opposite side of the field," said Dolphins quarterback Cleo Lemon, who confessed he was concerned about the team's two-minute drill since he was not sure of the length of the British minute. "But, if I'm right-handed, I don't have to throw with my left, do I? And how do we get first downs since they don't have yards over there? I knew I should have watched NFL Europe when it was still on." Lemon added that he was worried that the ball would spiral in the opposite direction in England, although the coaches had reassured him he was thinking of Australia.

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