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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Miami Dolphins Wonder If They'll Have End Zones In England

MIAMI—While preparing for their upcoming game in London against the New York Giants, the struggling Miami Dolphins spent most of the week's practices trying to answer questions concerning differences in the football itself, whether the gaps in a British line were numbered backwards, and whether or not England has end zones. "All right…I know when you cross the Atlantic that the strong side is the weak side and weak side is the strong side, so you drive down the opposite side of the field," said Dolphins quarterback Cleo Lemon, who confessed he was concerned about the team's two-minute drill since he was not sure of the length of the British minute. "But, if I'm right-handed, I don't have to throw with my left, do I? And how do we get first downs since they don't have yards over there? I knew I should have watched NFL Europe when it was still on." Lemon added that he was worried that the ball would spiral in the opposite direction in England, although the coaches had reassured him he was thinking of Australia.

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